My Self-Love Story begins with me doing everything in my power to prove myself worthy of love. Growing up in the christian religion, I was taught at an early age that I was “a sinner” and that I had to repent for my sins. As a deeply empathic being, I took on and internalized the shame of being innately "wrong" and would compensate by pleasing others while punishing myself.  

​

The agony of being severely separated from my pure and innocent nature created a black hole within me. I began to experience increasingly painful and confusing situations from molestation as a child, to when I became older, being secretly raped at parties. This went on for 10 years. Every time it happened, I would blame myself. I didn't know I had agency over my body, so whenever I was violated I would become paralyzed, unable to move or speak.

In my 20's I became a Professional Freeskier and traveled the world for competitions, ski- mountaineering and photo shoots. The more I achieved, the greater my insatiable hunger for external success and validation became. In my attempt to numb the pain of my past, my life became a whirlwind of dissociation and addiction to alcohol, drugs, adrenaline rush's, over-exercising, isolating, codependency, and a ruthless eating disorder.  After years of desperately upholding a performative and unrealistic image of myself, I cracked. Barely surviving a drug overdose, I remember praying to God through dramatic body convulsions...

​

​

​

​